2/23/2018 0 Comments 2018As contradictory as I am to the purpose of this post to start on a somewhat morbid note, it is safe to say 2017 was not a good year for me for a numerous amount of reasons; to name a few, reoccurring phases of social anxiety that haven’t enabled me to build relations with others easily, unhappiness with my physical appearance which have often made me resort to unhealthy habits in order to obtain the desired figure, pressures of finding a happy and long-lasting relationship like others have who I surround myself with, losing people who I once considered close and reliable means of support, making mistakes and failing things that other people seemed to have had success in. And predominantly becoming someone I really did not aspire to be – insecure yet seemingly to be outwardly vain, cynical, selfish and unmotivated. So, long story short, in hindsight these are not the sort of memories I want to associate a year with. But then I look back on these things that seemed to sum up a bad year, and a majority, if not all, of these things involved other people, by this, I am not blaming others for what has gone wrong, but I have come to the realisation that a big part of my downfall this year was my desperation to compare and satisfy others, subsequently depending on others and waiting around for something to happen. And 2017 has proved to me that that is not the way to approach life, but merely something we should work on in order to find a happy medium – therefore, independence and self-driven motivation.
So here I am, on January 1st 2018 at ten in the evening, slightly hungover and barely being able to keep my eyes open in order to write, writing this as a way to make this year a revelation of happiness and self-confidence, so by December 31st 2018, I can see myself as the person I then aspired to be. Scrap the “New Year, New Me” fad, as I have always been slightly cynical and moody and opinionated, and as someone who is also stubborn, my character is very unlikely to change but it is my motives this year that will be new. First step. Write yourself a list of everything you want to achieve this year. Then re-evaluate that list, but I put myself back in the mindset of eight-year-old me, who had very little interest in body image, relationships, money, fashion trends nor popularity, but did have ambitions and prospects larger than life (despite some being quite unrealistic and juvenile). Children tend to be naturally self-motivated as their pragmatic understanding of building and maintaining relationships is not fully formed nor is it important, and children also have this want to be independent and essentially be older than they are so they can do so – therefore, by being in this mindset, I ruled out anything in the list that involved others, for example being in a happy relationship and losing weight to look good in prom photos (trivial things like that), leaving me with the ultimate concern of succeeding in my A-Levels, getting my university offer and finding the independence I really want to have. But obviously life is not driven on success but happiness and health as well – this is what provides the motivation. And these things included making a scrapbook of memories for this year (which I genuinely will be the pinnacle year of my youth) involving my wonderful friends and family which I will be sad to distance myself from when September comes, “havin a crackin gals holiday” which will definitely be well-deserved after the hard work we endured during exam season, remaining healthy and fit by continuing my gym membership I had last year (not for the purpose of looking good for Instagram but to be healthy) and actually going to university which will put me in a good place to kickstart a career surrounding my love for writing which I have had from eight-years-old and beyond. So 2017, you have taught me, and hardship is a way of teaching that causes you to really open your eyes and appreciate not only what you have but also what you deserve. And I have been taught to not compare myself to other people, because despite whether you come from the same place, have the same interests or are the same age, everyone is different and everything plays out differently for different people - so to base what you do on what someone else has done is relatively pointless. I have also been taught that no matter what age I am or whatever situation I find myself in, I should never put myself in the position where I whole-heartedly depend on someone else to make me happy or succeed, and everyone should learn how to find happiness in themselves by themselves before they find happiness in anyone else. Please, do not wait around this year expecting things to be handed to you on a plate because life doesn’t owe anyone anything and certainly do not start the year with the mindset that it is going to be a bad year as it is what you make of it at the end of that day – motivate yourself and have an amazing 2018! So, besides all that, here are some happy memories from 2017 I will certainly cherish in the foreseeable future!
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April 2018
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