Ever since I turned 13 years old and started high school, I am almost 100% sure I have not left the the house without wearing some form of makeup - however, looking back at old photos of me in Year 9 and re-evaluating how I wore my makeup is a bit like pulling teeth. When it comes to wearing makeup, I'm no ad for au naturale but I am also advocate for heavy usage - every now and then I will wear foundation and eye shadow and lipstick, most days I will wear mascara, but I always wear concealer and I always fill my eyebrows in. I begrudge spending much money on it myself and the only big branded stuff I own was bought for me at Christmas and birthdays. I wear makeup to look older (that wipe I use at night does more than taking my makeup off, but seems to take five years off my face a long with it), conceal the dark circles under my eyes and the odd breakout I have every now and then. Although slightly nervous, I am intrigued as to what this week will be like, and what the final outcome should be - how I will view myself and makeup from then on? So, Monday's Brunch Out I met a couple friends for a cheap and cheerful breakfast at Wetherspoons before the dreaded return to Sixth Form the following morning. Anyone who lives in the town I live in would know that whenever you go out, it's unavoidable to not see a swarm of familiar faces - especially in the local 'spoons. I was terrified to go out bare face, and before I did, when I looked in the mirror, I saw a gaunt pale face and massive dark circles under my eyes. But I went, and no one even questioned the fact I had no make up on (not like I necessarily expected to be judged by my friends, but it felt good not having to justify it). Walking through Stowmarket, I saw many familiar faces as expected, and I did my best not to make eye contact (which I probably would have done regardless...), and it definitely was not the biggest confidence boost when I was ID'd at the bar by the barman who thought I was under 16. But to my surprise,despite it being the first time I had left the house without makeup in about five years, my enjoyment of seeing my friends was not effected by it at all, and quite frankly, by ten minutes in, I had completely forgotten... Then it was Tuesday's Return to Sixth Form, which I was dreading enough as it is due to the exam reality kicking back in and having to face a load of unfriendly faces - but now I had to face these faces without my face on. No outfit nor hairstyle looked right, and I had to resist the temptation to pile my hair up on top of my head and shove on a hoodie just to further enhance how rough I felt I was looking... but that really wasn't the aim of this week. I wanted to normalise the matter as much as possible, and I did so by dressing like I normally would and answering those couple times I was asked about my bare face with "I just couldn't be bothered". As soon as I walked in, I was greeted by a classmate with "you're looking very tired". I felt very insecure and judged while surrounded by a majority of people who had obviously put effort into their appearance for the first day back, and I avoided looking at my reflection in the mirror of the toilets because I knew I would only be critical. But the day flied by, and it was soon over - the sun was shining for the first time in months and I received positive results back from coursework and practice essays. So in perspective, it turned out to be a good day regardless and it was only my personal insecurity and attention to my face that acted as an obstacle to that - but I knew tomorrow was bound to be easier. When it came to Wednesday's Gym Session, I rolled straight out of bed and was down the gym by 6am. I know what you're thinking - why on earth would I wear make up to the gym anyway? It is stupid, I agree, but I would feel incongruous enough among all the toned, muscly bodies with my bony, weak build, so a little bit of concealer and filling in my eyebrows made me look less like I needed parental guidance. You'd be surprised that at 6am, it is relatively busy, but no-one seemed to bat an eyelid at my non-existent brows and dark panda eyes because they were too consumed in their workout. As was I. So like the other days, as time went on, being bare became less of a problem. At Friday's Family Barbecue, not wearing makeup became a little concern of mine - my family have seen me grow from a young age so obviously my bare face would not be much of a shock. But my extended family, who I rarely see, did acknowledge my lack in make up - I didn't realise how much make up had become such an assumed part of my identity! Working on Saturday night was made even more difficult from the fact I managed to gain sunburn on my nose and cheeks like a true Englishman when we get a bit of sun - no time for sun cream, we are in desperate need of colour. A colleague of mine immediately commented on how "fresh-faced" I looked, calling me a "natural beauty" which elevated my spirits a huge amount. It made me realise how differently one sees themselves in comparison to how others see us, and because a majority of us spend so much time criticising the way we are, we assume that others are picking out the same flaws. But no one truly knows what the other is thinking. Saturday night always brings great business to the restaurant I work at - it was extremely busy. But. Busy with strangers. People who I didn't know, and who didn't know me, so not wearing make up made little effect, and wasn't as daunting as I made it out to be. So, Sunday I posted a photo on Instagram. I was over the moon with the comments I received from all the lovely ladies out there! To be told that I was a "natural beauty" and to be complimented on my bare face felt so liberating, and I truly felt beautiful for the first time without an ounce of make up on my skin. More than anything, I hope that through speaking out on social media, I have opened the minds of many other women out there, encouraging them to take a week, like I have done, to find beauty and confidence in their natural skin. It's over! What were the best bits? Being able to jump straight into bed late at night and not having to spend ages scrubbing every last bit of make up off. Getting sun to my skin - by the end of those few sunny days England experienced, my face felt brighter and cleaner, and I managed to get some colour on my face so paleness became less of a problem. Getting an extra half an hours sleep in the mornings, and being able to sit down and enjoy my breakfast in the sun and then not having to rush around to be ready in time. The worst parts? It's safe to say that wearing makeup reflects a lot on one's confidence; for me, the hardest part about not wearing makeup wasn't the actual not wearing it aspect, but it was about how my opinion on myself and my appearance changed. The worst of it all was easily outweighed by all the benefits and I genuinely felt a lot more confident in my own skin by the week had finished. How will it affect my attitude to make up in the future? Wearing make up to school won't be a necessity anymore - if I have time in the mornings, I will put little on, but I will keep my skin clear because getting fresh air to it has really done some good. Wearing make up to the gym? NEVER AGAIN. I think I'll save the heavy make up to nights out and special occasions, and with all this cutting down on my usage, I'll also hopefully save a ton of money!
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Jem DuttonStudent Blogger. Archives
April 2018
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